


The (former) Mr. McCall

by Kikileduc



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Activist Derek Hale, Alpha Derek Hale, Alpha Scott, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angry Stiles Stilinski, Arrested Derek Hale, Arrested Stiles Stilinski, Based on a TV show, Cheating, Cheating Scott McCall, Established Scott McCall/Stiles Stilinski, Omega Oppression, Omega Stiles Stilinski, One Shot, Period Typical Attitudes, Period Typical Bigotry, Period-Typical Sexism, Pre-Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, comedian Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24094447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikileduc/pseuds/Kikileduc
Summary: A Marvelous Mrs. Maisel inspired one shot. Stiles’ husband tells him he’s leaving him for his mistress so Stiles takes to the stage to air out his grievances.
Relationships: Allison Argent/Isaac Lahey, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall/Kira Yukimura, Scott McCall/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 14
Kudos: 330





	The (former) Mr. McCall

Stiles loved the atmosphere down at Jungle. Who wouldn’t? They always had a handful of good looking omegas waiting tables, the alpha, Boyd, who worked the bar was pleasant to watch too, and his favorite reason to accompany his husband was, naturally, to check out the variety acts. You never knew what you’d see; musicians, magicians, and of course, comedians.

  
Scott, his loving husband, happened to be an aspiring comedian too. So, Stiles was fortunate enough to get to spend many evenings down at the club. Unfortunately, Erica, the beta who stood watch at the door, wasn’t the biggest fan of Scott’s routine. Stiles didn’t know what it was about his husband that rubbed her the wrong way but there was definitely a disconnect between the two. Stiles had promised that Scott would have at least three crowd-pleasers in his act that evening and if he failed to deliver, well, let’s just say that it was fully up to Erica’s discretion who did and didn’t enter the variety show…

  
With that added pressure, Stiles found himself in the wings of the stage coaching his husband on what to include in his act. The jokes about there being an omega behind every successful alpha were sure to please the mostly beta crowd _and_ it was true too. Stiles did his research. And if Scott successfully transitioned from that into the bit about an alpha forced to live off of takeout because he wasn’t capable of reading his omega mother’s cookbook, well, Stiles wrote that joke himself and it cracked him up every time. Most of his cookbooks had omega shorthand in the margins with hints and tricks to improve upon the original text. Alphas, hell even most betas, skipped secretarial classes in school and wouldn’t have the first clue how to read the thing. Scott included. 

  
Stiles was going over the timing on a joke about beta numbers slowly rising until one day they would be CEOs too or else we wouldn’t have anyone available to run our companies when Scott was called on stage. 

  
“Remember, pause for effect, otherwise it’s a little insulting. And good luck babe!” Stiles blew a kiss towards his husband who had already started making his way on to the stage. 

  
Stiles joined his beta friends, Isaac and Allison, at a cosy table which was close to the front of the stage, flashing Scott a supportive thumbs up in the process. 

  
“Glad you guys could make it!” Stiles whispered excitedly. “To be honest I’m not sure how much longer I can talk Erica into giving him a spot, but he’s going to kill it tonight, I just know it.”

  
Allison nodded politely before flicking her eyes back to the stage. Scott had just repeated a line in his setup because he fumbled over the words. Isaac, however, wore his doubt more plainly on his face to see. The late night club wasn’t really his scene and he was solely there to support his friend. 

  
As Scott messed up the delivery in his speech about the cookbooks, it sounded like he thought an omegas only place in the world was in the kitchen, you could hear a pin drop, the crowd was silent. Stiles thought that was a bit unfair. He was one of only a handful of omegas in the room not too many people should have been offended by that remark and out of marital duty he forced a laugh and elbowed Allison into joining him. Her smile couldn’t have been more fake.

  
Ten minutes later, as Scott exited the stage prior to finishing his routine, Stiles was the only one in the crowd clapping. 

* * *

  
“I can’t keep doing this,” Scott said as he paced back and fourth in front of their bed. “This— isn’t working.”

  
“Well, no,” Stiles agreed cautiously. “The delivery was all wrong, and the line—”

  
“I don’t mean the stupid joke!” Scott erupted as he turned to face Stiles who unconsciously cowered back at the outburst. “ I mean us, this. It isn’t working?” 

  
“Our marriage?” Stiles asked, half as a joke because his husband obviously didn’t mean that. They were great together, childhood best friends turned lovers. It was a dream story, the sort that made all the other omegas melt with concealed jealousy. 

  
“I’m— there’s this girl.”

  
“What?” His husband’s words truly didn’t register. Stiles must have heard wrong. 

  
“A beta girl— we’ve, we’ve been seeing each other— ” Scott looked everywhere, at damn near every piece of furniture in their bedroom, except at Stiles. 

  
“When? Where? —How? A beta!?” The words tumbled out of Stiles’ mouth in quick succession. He didn’t know which one he wanted answered first. 

  
Unfortunately, it seemed, Scott wasn’t going to respond to any of them. The alpha started rummaging through his closet, grabbing the suit Stiles had pressed for him earlier that day among other things and hastily shoved them into a bag. Stiles watched helplessly for half a second before he reprimanded his husband for wrinkling the suit and pushing him out of the way to pack more efficiently. 

  
“Where will you go?” Stiles asked in a small voice. 

  
“Do you really want the answer to that?” Scott asked exasperatedly.

  
Stiles was finally able to catch his husband’s eye and he held them there in place. Demanding the truth. 

  
“Ki— Kira’s— ”

  
Scott must have known how enraged that response would get Stiles because he quickly scooped up the bag, suit laying over one forearm, and proceeded to race out of their apartment. 

  
“Your secretary!? Your weirdly beta secretary? You said you hired a beta so I could brag about my husband not even having a tempting omega at the workplace. Something I was never worried about by the way!” Stiles shouted at the retreating back. 

  
He continued to shout long after his husband was gone. He was still shouting as he opened his second bottle of wine. 

* * *

  
  


Walking the five blocks back to the club for the late night acts wasn’t a conscious decision. One moment Stiles was in his kitchen staring at the wedding photo on his wall, the next he was scooting his way past Erica who tried to stop him from entering as he was an unaccompanied omega. That wasn’t like her but the reason quickly became apparent. Next to her stood a burley-looking guy in a leather jacket and handcuffs and an officer, explaining something to the man. Stiles knew his time would be limited with the policeman present.

  
So rather than sit himself down at the same table he had shared with Allison and Isaac only a few hours before, Stiles stormed his way right onto the stage, pulling the mic out of the hands of a beta woman with a beautiful voice. She was singing about heartbreak and Stiles was half tempted to let her continue somewhere in the back corner of the stage, but right then and there he had some stuff to get off his chest and the audience was going to listen, damn it! 

  
Erica held the officer back from storming the stage. “Give him a minute,” Stiles heard her say but it was probably the fact that the earlier charge was making a break for the door amongst the confusion that halted the policeman in his steps. 

  
He wasn’t the only person in the crowd who pointed out the obvious, that Stiles was an omega. It took a full minute for the buzz to die down enough for him to be heard, even with the microphone. 

  
“I mean she’s a beta! A beta and a secretary! Like we omegas have two things going for us, our alpha husbands will most likely provide us with big beautiful homes _that we have to clean_ I mean that we can proudly show off to our friends in an unspoken competition about how alpha our husbands truly are. _And_ that before we’re married off like medieval damsels we can “do our part” in the workplace by being the best damn secretary we can be. There are entire omega colleges devoted to secretary and personal assistant work!” Stiles paused in his rant, eyeing the entire room, making sure he had everybody’s attention. 

  
“You there, young lady, omega, in the second row,” Stiles called out. “What brings you out to this— _fine_ upstanding establishment?” The crowd sniggered at that and Erica snorted a laugh from her place back at the door. 

  
The omega glanced at the man to her left before she timidly called out, “I’m— I’m here with my husband. Date—date night.”

  
“Aww nice,” Stiles tipped an imaginary hat towards the gentleman at the table. “Friday evening, came home after a long week at the office, thought, ‘I’d like to spoil my wife’, paid a babysitter— or better yet, suffered through the act of calling the in-laws, to ask them to come see their grandchildren?” 

  
There was a smattering of laughs mixed with agreements. The couple sitting to their right even nodded their heads enthusiastically. Stiles smirked knowing that the punch line would hit more than just his initial target. 

  
“Actually,” the timid woman piped up, “he— he had me phone my mother.”

  
The laughter grew.

  
“Even better, alpha,” Stiles addressed the man who held his wife’s hand in a sign of solidarity. “You let your wife do the dirty work! And for what? So you can take her out to a nice restaurant? Down to the cinema? Spoil her because she spent the week chasing after your three little hellions, I mean children, cooking, and cleaning while you were at ‘work’ spinning circles in your desk chair with your alpha buddies?” Stiles paused. “No! You took her to this dump, where the food is cold and stale and the entertainment isn’t even paid, it’s a bunch of volunteers, I mean, they even let an omega come up here just to insult you!” 

  
The crowd roared with laughter. Boyd was heard shouting that technically they didn’t let Stiles on stage, he just sort of barged his way up there. The couple was a good sport and once the room was quiet enough the omega shouted out that she would have missed this if her husband had taken her down to the theater instead, so she wasn’t complaining.

  
Stiles thanked her and told her husband that she’s a keeper before he continued. “But, I digress. My point is, omega, what did you go to school for?”

  
“I met my husband before I finished but I was majoring in shorthand and letter filing.”

  
“To be a— ” Stiles led on. 

  
“To be a secretary.” The woman stated firmly. 

  
“Because omegas have two things to look forward to, an alpha with a big— _house_ ,” he said with a wink at the couple he picked on. “And that after college our days would be filled with writing down messages and making coffee for our bosses. And yet my _husband_ left me for his secretary who’s not even a prettier, younger, more fertile omega! But a beta! Like she could have done _anything_ with her life— well not anything, I mean it’s not like shes an alpha, but come on! A _secretary_?!” Stiles shook his head and the atmosphere grew tense once again.

  
“You know, I met my husband in school too,” he told the omega. “Yep. Grade school. Kindergarten, even. That lying, cheating, piece of— _alpha_.” Stiles pasted a falsely sweet smile on his face with the word. “Promised to be my best friend— for life. He promised.” 

  
The crowd didn’t seem to know if they were supposed to laugh at this or not. Stiles understood, for all they knew this could have been some dramatic act. They were here for entertainment after all. 

  
“I should have known, though, I mean, before we presented he was in love.” Stiles nodded his head. “Oh no, not with me, with a girl. With a beta girl as it turned out. And they tried to make it work after we all presented but her father was, well, scary. And alpha urges.” He rolled his eyes. “I guess my husband didn’t think about _that_ when he stayed late in the office to woo his new girlfriend. I guess it didn’t matter if he could just come home to let his omega husband milk his knot for him, huh?” 

  
That comment got more gasps and shrieks than laughs. The officer loudly told him to ‘watch it’. Stiles acknowledged the request insincerely before he continued. 

  
“Kira. That’s her name. Sounds pretty, I have to admit, she must be— alpha’s eyes can wonder but to land on anything permanent with a beta… ” Stiles trailed off, swallowing deeply.

  
“What are we gonna do, omegas? If alphas start marrying betas? Think of all that time we would have, I wouldn’t have anyone to clean up after, I could make a meal and live off leftovers for days— There wouldn’t be any children to mind, no stretch marks!”

  
Stiles paused.

  
“Huh, I think I see the upside to this! I mean, my husband joked, poorly, earlier that betas might one day run our biggest companies, but can you imagine an omega sitting at the top at the White House? I mean we’d have that place in tip-top shape by noon, cocktails served prior to dinner, and probably achieving world piece before supper was through.”

  
The crowd laughed again, the absurdity of such a thought!

  
“Don’t get me wrong all the other alpha world leaders would surely mock us, but after I bat my eyes,” Stiles did just that. “They’d be unable to deny us anything— Why isn’t that a military strategy? Just have a couple of omegas ask nicely?” 

  
“Hey, know your place omega!” A man shouted among the crowd which was cracking up over that one. 

  
“My place!?” Stiles popped the mic off the stand so he could walk closer to the right side where his heckler was coming from. “My place!?”

  
“Yeah, on your knees! I mean maybe that’s why your husband left you?” The alpha glanced around at his buddies, looking for encouragement.

  
Stiles flicked his eyes towards the officer who made no move to reprimand the man. Okay fine. If they were going to let that go, Stiles would push his boundaries even further. 

  
“Ohhhh no, _sir_ , you seem to misunderstand my complaint. I’m married. I’ve been on my knees, on my back, bent over just about every surface in my home, and once even in that restroom right there!” 

  
Several more gasps came with that comment. Erica shouted about needing more cleaning supplies while the officer took a step forward. The man in handcuffs was sniggering behind him. 

  
“Like I would get it, my husband’s indiscretions, if I wasn’t providing. But we just had heat sex! It was great, I mean, look at me!” Stiles ruffled up his shirt and tugged his trousers dangerously low, showing off his childbearing hips. “I’m slim, pale, small waist. Look at my lips!” He stared straight at the rude alpha until the man broke the eye contact, blushing. “Scott loves my lips! I’m a perfect omega!” Stiles all but shouted into the microphone. 

  
He dropped to his knees. Holding his arms out wide in an inviting fashion. The movement pulled his shirt up, once again exposing his hips as his pants were still dangerously low. The reaction from the crowd varied. Some laughed. The omega woman in the second row covered her eyes and the man who accused Stiles of not putting out was turning purple with the implication. 

  
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” the policeman said coming up onto the stage. “Cover up, that’s indecent. .” 

  
“Indecent? Look at me!” Stiles shouted as he got to his feet and backed further away from the approaching officer. He removed his shirt completely, tossing it at the man, causing him to stumble. It was clear the officer didn’t know how to drag Stiles off the stage now that he wasn’t dressed fully. He didn’t want to touch an omega inappropriately, Stiles smirked. 

  
He placed the microphone back on the stand and address the crowd one last time. 

  
“Thank you, this was cathartic and _most_ of you were wonderful tonight. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, they are the smart ones that didn’t waste twenty thousand dollars of their daddy’s money on secretarial college, smart move now that you’ll have to compete with betas—” Stiles sniggered. “Thank you again, I’m that omega that stole the mic or just formally Mr. McCall, I’ll let you know after the divorce, and good night!”

  
With that Stiles allowed the officer to accompany him off the stage. He didn’t seem to know what to do with him. Stiles refused to put his shirt back on and the policeman had already used his handcuffs on the alpha. After a minute of obviously internally debating the situation, the officer placed Stiles in the backseat of his cruiser with a warning for the alpha to keep his distance. 

  
Both Stiles and the alpha laughed over that as well. 

  
“I mean really,” Stiles whispered, although his voice was sure to carry in the silent car. “Worried about my dignity now! After that performance! I doubt there is anything a cuffed alpha such as yourself could do to ruin me further— ” The statement was true despite it’s self-deprecative nature. 

  
The alpha shifted a little to better face Stiles. The man’s green eyes didn’t wavier as he spoke, “that was one hell of a performance, and exactly what that crowd needed to wake up. Don’t ever let _those people_ make you doubt that.” 

  
“Those people?” Stiles wondered.

  
“The people at the top, the law makers— and _enforcers_.” He added with a sneer at the policeman driving them.

  
Stiles tried to digest that as the officer warned the alpha to stop talking. 

  
“I’m just saying what the people need to hear, gender rolls are oppressive, that beta should have all the right to be a secretary if she wants to, not that she had any right to move in on your husband,” the alpha quickly added. “And he had no right either! But she shouldn’t be limited to certain jobs just because she’s a beta, and neither should you, omega. Omegas should be offered more in college, you should be able to have any job you want. You’re really funny up there and more importantly you got people’s attention. You should be able to be a comedian, a public speaker, hell, even a politician, if you want, you’d be good at it too, I think.” 

  
“Hey that’s enough of that nonsense back there. That’s exactly the type of talk that got you in hot water to begin with!” The officer said, annoyed. 

  
Stiles shot the alpha next to him a grateful smile, lost in thought about what he had just heard. The man’s eyes sparkled knowingly as he continued to stare imploringly back at Stiles.

* * *

  
The next morning Stiles was released with a court date, his shirt in an evidence bag, and a loss of all his dignity. Sometime in the middle of the night when the isolation set in and the alcohol wore off, he was forced to face his problems. The weight of the world pinned him to the uncomfortable cot until a young lady finally came by to let him out. As an omega he must have been deemed very little of a threat and thus his bail was waived, he supposed. 

  
It was embarrassing. Stiles had half a mind to tell the desk officer to take him more seriously, but if he was back in jail, who would he even call? Certainly not his husband. Allison and Isaac were more Scott’s friends than his, and Isaac wouldn’t have wanted to be associated with the scandal. If only he knew that his wife had once dated his alpha best friend! Stiles could probably work a whole set around that, the painful predicament that put him in, knowing his husband’s childhood secrets— and ex. The more Stiles thought about it, the more he thought Isaac probably wouldn’t have minded. Especially if he too got to taste Scott’s knot. He laughed to himself at the thought of that joke getting back to the prideful beta… 

  
“Took you long enough.”

  
Stiles rounded the corner of the police station, lost in thought, thinking about the set up and delivery of such a sensitive joke when he nearly knocked into the arrested alpha from the night before. The man still wore his leather jacket, the dark shirt beneath it betrayed the fact that must have slept in those same clothes— in a jail cell. Stiles assumed he looked just as rumpled. 

  
“What are you doing here?” Stiles asked, blinking away his surprise. 

  
The alpha’s eyes lingered on his for a beat too long before he finally replied. “Is that anyway to thank me for paying your bail?”

  
Stiles spluttered. “You— You paid my bail!? I had a bail?”

  
The alpha smirked. “Yes, little omega, even you had a bail to pay, though it was nowhere close to as much as mine.”

  
“I had a bail!” Stiles repeated, in awe. “I mean, thank you, uh, what’s your name.”

  
The alpha looked startled by that but then extended his hand. “Ah— Derek, Derek Hale. —And you are?” He added as Stiles clumsily took the hand. “ Unless you want me to call you formerly Mr. McCall.”

  
Stiles cringed. “I can’t believe I did that last night! I’m Stiles, yes I know, and yes it is a nickname.”

  
Derek’s blank expression over learning his name was hard for Stiles to read. 

  
“Did you love it?” Derek asked instead of the usual ridicule he was expecting. “Last night, on stage, did you love it?”

  
It took Stiles a moment to answer. “Yeah, yeah— I think I did.”

  
“Good,” Derek declared, his eyes finding Stiles’ yet again. “Because you were great up there and the world needs more omegas like you.” 

  
Stiles felt his cheeks flush. Derek hesitated before he turned to leave. 

  
The alpha was already several steps ahead before Stiles shouted out, “wait!” Derek paused but didn’t turn around. “Can’t I at least take you out for brunch? As a thank you— for the bail?”

  
Stiles saw the hesitation. “And you can help me! I had this idea for a skit about my husband’s beta friend wanting him secretly. The more I think about it, the more true I think it is.” 

  
Derek turned around fully then. “I’m not— I’m not the best person to be seen with, if you’re serious about this…”

  
Stiles shrugged. 

  
“I’ve been kicked out of clubs—”

  
“I didn’t want to work those stages, so....”

  
“This isn’t the first time I’ve been arrested,” Derek warned. “It won’t be the last.”

  
“I’d like to hear more of your view of the world anyway and if speaking your mind is what got you in trouble with the law— ” Stiles trailed off. It was a risk he was willing to take. 

  
Meeting Derek made him feel like perhaps he was sheltered more than he knew. Perhaps his little issue with his cheating husband was just a small scratch in the big scheme of things when it came to what was truly wrong with the world today. Derek’s speech the night before ignited a tiny spark somewhere deep within Stiles and he wanted to know— No, _needed_ to find out more. He wanted to be enlightened. 

  
Derek was within reaching distance again. Stiles stubbornly raised an eyebrow as if to dare the man to come up with another reason why this was a bad idea. 

  
Instead Derek asked in all seriousness, “what the hell is brunch?”

  
Stiles burst into laughter. He had some enlightening to do as well it would seem. “Follow me, big guy, follow me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended as a one shot. Something I started months ago and never really thought I would finish. If anyone wants to take on this world and expand on it, feel free to do so. 
> 
> Derek’s character is based on Lenny from the show. Lenny Bruce in real life was a comedian who was known for being vulgar and critical of politics. He was arrested for being too obscene and later pardoned after his death. He spoke the truths people didn’t want to hear publicly in a time before they were ready to hear them. In my imagined world I view Derek as a well known activist against gender oppression. I think he uses his platform to speak in clubs as a “comedian” just to be heard. Some people laugh at him because they think it’s funny what he has to say but others take the comments to heart and it has them thinking. Which is why he’s often arrested. Can’t have the public doing something crazy and thinking for themselves, now can we? Stiles is sheltered. Which is why he finds some of his jokes funny (even if they are true) and is also why he has no idea who Derek is. But he’s about to find out. 
> 
> I picture Stiles and Derek gaining in popularity. Derek helping Stiles through his divorce. And somewhere along the lines of late night tour buses to play venues around the country, they fall in love. I can even see Derek rebelling against it because he’s and alpha and Stiles is an omega and that’s too heteronormative for him….


End file.
